User blog:Lachlan Blake/Ash Williams Vs Ned Kelly.
Ned Kelly, Australian outlaw who used bullet-proof armour to battle the police! VS Ash Williams, protagonist of the Evil Dead films, demon battling S-mart clerk! Ned Kelly's weapons: Ash's weapons: WHO IS DEADLIEST?!?! Weapons_Betty.jpg Weapons_Pistol_01.jpg Weapons_Spencer.jpg 250px-Chainsaw_Ash_s_Chainsaw_by_ForgedwithFire.jpg 500px-AODWinchester1.jpg 500px-Boomstick6.jpg BATTLE: It was a cold night in Glenrowan, a small town in Victoria, Australia. The year was 1880, and Ash Williams sat in a jail cell, looking miserably at the ceiling, his shoulder hurting massively. Superintendendant Hare was agitated, the Kelly gang was on the loose and had murdered a few innocent people, Hare was supposed to be leading the chase on the Kelly gang, but he was asked by his superior to interview this strange, clearly metally disturbed man. He was probably going to loose his reputation as a police officer because of Kelly, he was probably going to loose his job because the gang was still on the loose, and after the interview, he was going to have to go up to the Glenrowan inn, where the Kelly gang was holed up, where he would probably loose his life. “Well you certainly are a strange fellow, aren’t you”, said the man who had identified himself as superintendant Hare. “Let me out! I’m innocent you Australian a**hole!” Said Ash, massively frustrated at his situation. He was suffering from shock and had been screaming when he slept, which was rarely. “We will let you out in time, but for now, all you must do is tell me what happened…”, Hare looked at his notepad, “At Glenrowan inn, on the twenty seventh of the sixth, eighteen-eighty”. “Is that what year this is?” said Ash. “Excuse me? Is this that demonic time transportation story again? What a tremendous lie, man! Now, back to our report, what happened at Glenrowan inn?” Said Hare, he was getting impatient, and the public where outside the jail, waiting to see where Kelly was. “Ok, you primitive jerk. I’ll tell you”. Ash relayed the story to Hare: Annie had read the final incantation of the spell, and had opened up a portal, but the portal was drawing Ash into it, he screamed as he was sucked through the vortex, only to end up in 1800’s Australia. Ash was standing in a eucalypt forest, through the trees there was a group of people stockpiling weapons behind a hotel, they were all wearing armour. One of the group’s members left, taking a few guns with him, and walked into the forest towards Ash. Ned left the Glenrowan inn, he had hidden a gunpoweder barrel in a log outside the town in a log near a cabin. And the gang decided that it was going to be needed in the upcoming shootout. His plan for robbing a train had gone horribly wrong, and Hare had found out about his plan and had gathered police forces in the area. Hare was a bastard, but even bastards had to rest, and even bastards had to sleep, and when they were sleeping he would get them, oh he would get them good. Ash dropped to the ground and the armoured figure walked past, with Ash quietly following behind him. After a while of walking the armoured figure stopped, and pulled out his revolver. “Dan, is that you?” said Ned turning, aiming into the bushes. Ash stayed quiet, moving back, but stepped on a stick, snapping it. “It’s the fu**ing coppers!”, said Ned, firing into the bushes. Ash decided to fight, waiting to hear the sounds of reloading and then ran, starting his chainsaw as he went, full pelt at Ned, knocking him over and starting to saw his chest armour. Ned pushed Ash off of him, his armour protecting him from the saw. "God almighty! what is that noise!" screamed Ned, looking down at Ash, "You're not a policeman, who are you?" "I'm Ash Williams," said Ash, taking out his boomstick, "I work in housewares". "Well, Ash, my name's Ned, I work in killing scum like you" Said Ned. Ned pushed the boomstick upwards, it shot twice into the air, Ned then threw a punch at Ash knocking him backwards. Ash was reeling from the punch, but the pain wasn't enough to bring him down, he swung his chainsaw hand at Ned, hitting him on the side of his helmet, making a massive crash, the sound resonated throughout the iron outlaw's head. Both warriors dazed, they pushed and grappled with eachother, with Ash pushing Ned backwards, but falling over in the process. Ned turned and stumbled over to where he had dropped his repeating carbine, while Ash from the ground pulled out his boomstick, firing both shots while getting up, missing both. Ned picked up his carbine, firing back at Ash, hitting him in the chainsaw hand. Ned pushed his gun’s bolt, used the lever and pulled the bolt back, but Ash had already taken refuge behind a cabin, Ned walked cautiously towards the cabin, but Ash ran out, taking Ned by surprise and firing his Winchester at an incredibly fast rate, a few pellets bounced off Ned’s armour, but one got through, hitting Ned’s rib, and two pellets hit the side of Ned’s thigh, barely missing a few major arteries, Ned fell, but shot as he did so, his bullet flew forward hitting ash in the shoulder and knocking him over and unconcious. Ned got up and started to slowly limp back to the hotel, wincing and swearing and calling for his brother. But Ash fired one last shot at the bush ranger, finally knocking him over into the bush. Crying in pain, Ned began to crawl towards the hotel, screaming for his brothers and his gang. Ash flip-cocked the Winchester, which hurt him even more, but the pain was worth it to take down this monster, who had survived this much damage. The shot missed, and Ash passed out on the ground. Constables Phillips and Healy of the Victoria police force were sent by superintendant Hare to an area in the Hills where a man mad heard gunshots, when they got there they found Ash lying limp on the ground. "Phillips, this man's still alive, and blimey, what's that bloody great thing on his hand?" "God knows Healy, but let's get him to the station, they can help him there". The officers carried Ash to the station and the police bandaged Ash's wounds and locked him in a cell for interrogation. “And that’s it”, said Ash, “you son of a bitch” he added, silently. "What a tall tale boy, I bet you exaggerated the whole ordeal" said Hare. "I honestly do not give a sh*t what you think". Superintendent Hare left Ash in the cell, writing in his notepad as he left. “Oh, just leaving are you?” called Ash from his cell. After a while Ash fell to sleep, and woke up from a nightmare, screaming. He got up and walked to the bars looking around the dimly lit police station, he could just make out something in the corner of the room, as his eyes adjusted to the light, he could make out that it was a body, lying there, he looked around and could see a few more policemen, lying still, they were in a pattern on the floor. Ash looked up in horror, standing in the doorway was Ned, holding his Snider-Enfield and smiling sickly, blood dripped from hastily bandaged gunshot wounds. “You thought I’d forgotten you, didn’t you, ya filthy fu**ing mutt!” Yelled Kelly, as he shot Ash in the stomach, peircing his upper intestines and stomach, and going through him, lodging into the wall. Ned stood, watching Ash bleed to death in his cell, and then turned and left, injured but still very, very alive. Ned and his gang decided not to rob the train at Glenrowan, and instead waited for Ned to heal his injuries, managing to rob a different train at Hansonvile, a town nearby Glenrowan. On the 12th of October 1897, Ned Kelly had succesfully created an army of bush rangers and local civilians pushing for a rebellion, culminating in a small war in New South Wales in 1901 between the rangers and some British regular soldiers. Ned Kelly was executed on the 6th of June 1906. But the revolution lived on. WINNER: NED KELLY! Category:Blog posts